With the revelation that the general public had trustingly allowed into their homes a shameless portrayal of consensual lovemaking insidiously Trojan-horsed within their wholesome, innocent policeman-murdering simulator, the moral guardians threw one of their characteristic shit-fits.įor me, the fact that you had to mod the game to turn it on sort of defeats the traditional "corrupting the innocent children" argument, because any innocent child who unsuspectingly visits a PC modding website and downloads and installs "ActivateTheHotSexyPornMinigameWithActualSexInIt.exe" by accident - presumably while searching for Bible verses and poems about Grandma - is either a severely unlucky or unflinchingly dishonest one. Initially, Rockstar claimed that it was all the work of naughty hackers and that one could no more blame them than one could blame an exercise book manufacturer for a schoolboy's crude drawing of a knob, until it became clear that all that the mod actually did was go into one file and change the variable "EnableHorribleSexMinigame" from 0 to 1. And in the spirit of grinding (waggle eyebrows), someone made a mod for the PC version of the game that replaced the slightly weaksauce fade out/fade up implied boffing session that ended the dating side-quests with a full-on graphic sex mini-game in which two fully-clothed models made honks and squeaks of pleasure as they slide in and out of each other like a pair of butchered horse carcasses in a dog food processing vat. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was the fifth GTA game, and in their drive to experiment with the GTA formula, developers Rockstar had absolutely riddled the fucking thing with stat-grinding mini-games that had all the entertainment value of a large bag of polystyrene packing material.
The year is 2005, when the PlayStation 2 was sitting pretty atop the games industry like a big sexy jockey. But what happens when video games touch upon the one thing moral guardians hate more than violence: the reproductive realities of their own depraved, shameful biology? Most video game controversies have been repeats of that tiresome debate over whether it's healthy for little Timmy to make Sub-Zero tear out spinal columns, and which can be routinely countered with the argument that every spinal column torn out in Make-Believe Pixel Land is one real spinal column not torn out in the schoolyard. Over the years, controversy and video games have gone hand-in-hand, followed by tongue-in-mouth, and then cock-in-bumhole, but they've only relatively recently gotten into valid, helpful controversies, like, "Publishers are running barely-disguised casinos through legal loopholes in the hope of stealing all the money in the world so they can build a new solid-gold planet from which to plot their conquest of the universe and the death of that meddling fool, Flash Gordon." On today's episode of the Zero Punctuation Occasional Guide to Moments from Gaming History Least Likely to be Adapted Into a Life-Affirming Coming-of-Age Drama, we turn to the subject of moral panics.and then we turn around again and do a big fart in moral panic's face. Zero Punctuation's Occasional Guide to Retarded Special Moments in Gaming History
Let's all laugh at an industry that never learns anything, tee hee hee.
0 kommentar(er)
